I come here once every blue moon and I swear I’m going to start writing more, and then I never do. So I’m going to try something new. Every day for one month (this month!) I am going to make myself sit down and post. I have PLENTY to blog about, and I even have enough time, I just don’t sit down and do it. I don’t think it’s a reasonable expectation to blog every single day after this month, but I’m hoping I can at least get myself back in the habit.
First things first. Remember that one time when I was giddy like a 15 year old girl the night before my first date with a new guy? Remember how I later (much later) recapped that first date, which turned out to be amazing? Well, little did I know (or at least, little did I REALLY know) that I was meeting my future husband. Yep, Dave and I are ENGAGED! I’ve got to be honest here… I had such a huge crush on Dave before we even met that I started browsing DIY wedding blogs one day. You know how people say, “when you know, you know”? Well, I didn’t think that was true at all, and I still don’t think it is always true…. but shortly after judging someone else for saying that very thing, I was feeling the exact same way.
Here’s the thing: I am NOT a fairytale girl. I’m no tomboy either, but I’ve just never been interested in super girly things and tutus and princes and daydreaming and all that garbage that “every girl likes.” I have not dreamed of my wedding day since I was a little girl (the most I’ve ever thought about was where it would be and who would be the pastor). I do not want to look like a princess. I do not want to get married in a castle. I HATE red roses, and really any roses. They’re not my thing. I HATE the lovey dovey cliche things that people say to each other. 99% of the time, I don’t like anything with a heart shape on it (Case in point: my friend Joni was visiting and saw a wine cork with a heart on it and was all “when did you start liking hearts?!” … it was Dave’s wine cork, y’all).
I hate when they ask someone on a wedding show why they want to marry their special someone, and all they say is something like “when you know you know” or “he makes me laugh” or “he is just perfect for me” or “I’ve just never felt this way before.” Really, do you think those “feelings” are going to get you through a lifetime of marriage with someone? You know there is more to marriage than lovey dovey feelings right? (Which brings me to another thing… I hate the quote ‘Love is all you need.’ NO IT’S NOT). As you can see, I clearly have some issues regarding common notions of love and relationships.
So when I found myself swooning like a middle schooler over this guy I hadn’t even met yet, and for once actually daydreaming about a wedding… That wasn’t like me at all. Were all those crazy people who I’d always secretly judged right? When you know do you just know? Is love really all you need? I know one thing: feeling the way I’ve felt about Dave has melted a little of my stone cold heart when it comes to thoughts about love. Feeling those swooning, loving feelings, which I had always dismissed, is important. It’s real. At the same time, I do still believe that making a relationship last takes more than just those feelings, and that even though it may seem impossible now, it is likely that those swooning feelings will eventually fade.
One of my favorite authors, C.S. Lewis, had this to say:
“Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. . . . You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go. . . . But, of course, ceasing to be “in love” need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from “being in love” — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriage) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God… “Being in love” first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.”
– C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
It is exciting to me to feel all of these lovey dovey feelings. It is also exciting to me to know that even if these swooney feelings ever fade, Dave is the kind of person that I know I can have that “quieter” love with. I love many more things about Dave than just how me makes me feel. We have tons of shared interests, we respect each other, we have fun together, we deal with conflicts well, we have compatible goals for the future, we have similar views on family/raising kids/our respective roles/etc. And ladies, the man cooks and cleans and knows how to thread a sewing machine. We have talked extensively about what it takes to make a marriage work, and I am so excited to “make it work” with him 🙂