“If you have to zap-fry your poptarts you might want to loosen up your schedule.”

I’ve heard that quote before (a joke from Brian Regan), and had no idea microwaving poptarts was even an option.  However, on Monday, that quote became the reality of my life when at 7am I had “zap-fried” poptarts for breakfast, and at 4am (technically Tuesday at that point) I had “zap-fried” poptarts again.  Techincally I would have enough time to toast them, but I do not have time to go out a purchase a toaster.   My monday started with a bang at 6:30am with emails flooding my inbox for work, and didn’t slow down until 6:00am the next morning, when I finally laid down for a one hour nap. 

Tuesday went pretty much the same, except that time I had bagels instead of pop tarts, and due to such limited sleep, almost went into a profanity-ridden tirade at work when someone asked me to help with a project that turned out to be a total mess.   Apparently pop tarts and bagels and one hour of sleep are not enough rest and nutrition to help a girl maintain her sanity.  Who knew?

After two days in a row of only sleeping for one hour in the early morning hours of the next day,  I was apparently so tired when I laid down for a nap Wednesday that I slept through Ellie puking in my bed (while I was sleeping in it) and 3 missed calls with the phone right by my head.  Awesome.

Last night (wednesday night) I finally got a full night of sleep again.  AMAZING.  I feel mostly recovered, and intend to go into the office, but every time I stand up I barely have the energy to make it to the kitchen to get a glass of water, let alone shower and get dressed and run Ellie to daycare and drive to the office. 

I think I will work from my home office today, which currently = my couch, because I don’t own a desk yet.  Because I don’t have time to shop.  I really need to take Brian’s advice here, and loosen up this schedule! 

In less depressing news, I really like my new neighborhood.  Walking Ellie is a relaxing breath of fresh air now, rather than a stressful experience of me trying to dodge all the random sketchy people that hung out around the bus stops and metro stop near my old building (including that one woman who was CONVINCED that I was a murderer.  It was starting to get really awkward).  However, given that the closest park is now 3 blocks away instead of right across the street, Ellie is having a difficult time figuring out that the sidewalk is not an ideal location to poop.  I feel so awkward bending over cleaning up her mess in the middle of the sidewalk.  I feel like everyone is glaring at me thinking, “your dog should know better.”  Kind of like when kids throw a fit in a restaurant or grocery store and I tend to think, “get your kid under control already!”  I know Ellie is only a dog, but she is gradually giving me a lot more grace for parents.

As another example, Ellie is a VERY picky eater.  Wait, let me rephrase that.  She is a very picky eater when it comes to food that is actually meant for dogs.  However, almost anything that a human has in their hands, she is convinced is the most delicious thing in the world, and will likely eat it if you give it to her.  But dog food is another story.  She refuses to eat dry dog food unless she’s absolutely hungry and out of options.  I feel like she is one of those kids that refuses to eat anything for dinner but chicken nuggets.  How do you force your child to eat vegetables?  How do I force my dog to eat dog food?  I start to feel bad sometimes and give in and give her human food when she hasn’t been eating her dog food.  Then other days, I stand firm and won’t give her anything until she’s eaten her dog food.  I always feel a little victorious when she eats her dry dog food.  Like we have been at a war of wills, and I won the war.   I probably should not be a mother.  I can see myself leaving green beans on the table and starving my kid out until he/she has no choice but to give in to the green beans.  And then I’d be all “muahahaha I WON KID!”  And then my kid would need years of therapy.  Maybe I should start a fund for that now while I have the money 😉


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