A Little Light in “Darkness”

I’ve never heard anyone say that studying for the Bar is easy, or even just anyone say it was not the worst experience of their lives… really encouraging, right?

Throughout lawschool, the only part I hated was finals time.  There is something about it, the 2-2.5 weeks where there is this pressure to just study, study, study all the time.  And even though you take breaks, when you do you just feel guilty deep down that you are not studying.  And I, being the morbid person that I am, always have thoughts like “what if I die tomorrow? That would really suck to have spent my last several days on earth studying all of the time!” 

Now, obviously, I can’t just live like I’m going to die tomorrow, because we also have to prepare for the possibility that we don’t die tomorrow.  Studying for finals, and studying for the Bar… is preparing for the future.  And yet, I still get those depressed, gloomy feelings.  I was actually coming on here to write about a few of the things I’m trying to do to make Bar study not miserable, but I had started to write “the sole purpose in life is studying”  above, and I got this check inside “why do you consider that your sole purpose during those times?”

Perhaps my misery is self-inflicted.  I tend to be guilty of having tunnel vision and only focusing on the task at hand, and I tend to miss the big picture on a regular basis.  Maybe it’s something I can finally grasp during Bar study.  Yes, this is a rough time.  It’s overwhelming, there is too much to learn, deep down I really struggle with finding the purpose in all this studying, BUT.  But that doesn’t mean my life is meaningless during these two months.  It doesn’t mean there aren’t other things for me to learn during this time that are BIGGER than the Bar Exam.  I DON’T have to stop living during the Bar.  My sole purpose during these two months is NOT studying for the Bar.  It’s a big purpose, because I do want and need to pass, but it is not my only purpose.   My purpose is to live the life I’ve been called to live, even in the midst of studying for the bar. 

“Commit your way to Lord,
Trust also in Him,
and He shall bring it to pass.”

– Psalm 37:5


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