Well, the word is out now and in reference to the last post I can reveal to anyone wondering… The person who passed away was Alexander dad James aka “Jim.” Shortly after making that post, I also learned that a teenage boy from the church I grew up in, a boy I babysat from time to time when he was younger, took his own life this week. I’ve cried pretty hard over the past week thinking of Jim, and it sends me back into tears every time I start thinking a little too long about the fact that I’m not going to see him again on this earth. It makes me feel sick to my stomach at times and I can barely breathe, and this isn’t even my own flesh and blood. And while I do not believe it was his time to go, and while it was so unexpected, he did live a long and very full life. He accomplished more than most people can even dream about. It’s still unbelievably sad, but I am proud of him, I am glad I had the opportunity to know him, and I know Alexander and the rest of his family will do a great job carrying on his name and his legacy.
Today I finished my last final of 3L semester. If I could change anything in the past week, I would have just asked to delay my finals as well, and went back to the U.S. to be with Alexander and take my finals late with him. It has been incredibly hard trying to deal with studying for finals and wrapping things up in London while knowing my boyfriend’s family is dealing with such a terrible loss back in the States, and I feel the loss myself. I am hurting for them, but I am also genuinely hurting myself. I can’t stand the reality that he’s gone. And of course, the loss of someone near and dear makes you think about everyone else who is near and dear, and how the same thing could happen to them… and I’ve just wanted so badly this week to be close to people I love. Even though I’m technically not all alone here in London, I’ve felt very lonely this week.
But amazingly, no doubt due to prayers of my family and friends, I have survived this week and I am so relieved–good grades or bad. At this point, I am ecstatic that all that stands between me and the USA is some packing, some cab rides, and a long plane ride (…and some extremely obnoxious blue sticky tac stuff that I can’t seem to scrape off the walls.. ahh!).
I have LOVED my time in Europe. I’ve had some frustrating moments and some sad times, but overall this has been the best experience of my life to date. While I am very excited to get back to the U.S., I really wish I was just coming home for a little while and going back to Europe. It has been amazing here and I can’t wait for my next opportunity to come back.
In the meantime, I’m considering keeping this blog alive just to keep people up to date on my latest adventures. Even when I’m in the states it seems like I’m traveling quite a bit. So stay tuned for that 😉